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Steps to kid-manness

You probably take one look at this picture and think, “Whoa get those locks under control. They are just way too handsome for a mere pre-kid man. Well, I have a couple of things to say about that. First, I got a haircut*** yesterday and am looking less hairy but even more good-looking. But, about that pre-kid man thing. It won’t be long, folks. I’m not saying that I’ve definitely transferred over to kid-man status, but it’s coming and it’s coming fast. My haircut didn’t slow that transition down one bit because boy am I looking mature. Not only do I look more mature, I actually am beginning to have all kinds of advice for people running through my wise head.

***post hair cut photos are coming soon.

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Keeping warm

I heard about this thing called the 80’s. I’m not quite sure what that is, but anything that is always preceded by the word “the” is usually pretty important. So, I’m going to have to go with my instincts on this one and assume that I should jump on board. I did some research on how to make the 80’s a part of my everyday life. Leg-warmers were first on the list in many of the scientific journals I was reading. I studied the pictures and definitions and realized that I can easily make my own leg-warmers with a few household items. Let me walk you through this recipe*:

*Please note that this will only work for people under 3 feet.

1. Find a pair of your daddy’s tall, cozy socks.
2. Hold them up to your leg to make sure they are long enough to adequately “warm”. Just because it’s summer doesn’t mean we should take warm for granted.
3. Put one sock on each leg all the way up to your buns if you can. Leg-warmer motto “The warmer the better, the longer the tetter.” (Rhyming is more important that real words).
4. The 80’s leg-warmers have the feet cut out. But, you have to make fashion your own, otherwise it’s not art. I choose to leave the feet on so that my piggies can be warm with my legs. Also, I’m not sure that’s a good way for Daddy to find out about my new ideas.

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Easter – remembered

It’s so obvious that these are old pictures. My hair is much shorter and so is my bod. But, Easter was so much fun that I couldn’t resist recounting the story. We had an Easter egg find. I know that eggs don’t seem to have much to do with Jesus, but that’s because you haven’t dove beneath the surface on this one. Let me get deep and philosophical with you for a sec. Jesus is God. God created chickens and therefore eggs. God also created foodstuff which evolved into candy. There you have it. Jesus is awesome, so awesome. He died on the cross and came alive again. And, he created eggs and candy sort of. So, maaaaaybe eggs and candy can help us celebrate the true meaning of Easter….ya know, because Easter has to do with Jesus and eggs have to do with Jesus.

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Or maybe not. You know what? I’m not so good at finding and keeping Easter eggs anyway. I think I’ll just stick to hams and hallelujahs.

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Family Vacation

Nine kids + Grampa + Gramma + aunties + uncles + lots of water + yummy snacks + mud + water guns = Fun Run Mun. Folks, you know I only rhyme when I mean it.

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I know that this picture doesn’t exact portray Fun Run Mun. But let me introduce you to the face entitled “The Boat is Serious Stuff”. Right when you enter the boat there’s padding you need to add to your manfit. There are several purposes for this important article:

1. When you jump into the water or fall off something, it swims you back up to the surface. Very efficient.
2. Often in lake circumstances you encounter strange and dangerous animals that are so big. In such scenarios you want to make yourself look so humungous that you nonverbally communicate “Step off like it ain’t no thing.” But, inside you have so many sad and worried thoughts going through your head and don’t have the energy to puff up. That’s where the boat pads come in handy.
3. When you’re ready to take a nap, you really don’t need to move at all. Simply shut your eyes and your head will remain completely supported in every direction. I’m actually thinking about presenting this in my next nap time board meeting. Imagine the possibilities.

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After what seemed like a million minutes, I finally convinced Mommy to let me take her on a tube ride. At first she was so nervous that she hung on to my boat pads so tightly. You know what? I know what works for my Mommy, so I started to sing our favorite song. “The Lord told Noah there’s gonna be a floody floody…” Pretty soon I saw her head start to bob and fingers start to snap as she couldn’t help but be made unafraid. I think I need to write this one down in her Mommy book.

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Pretty soon, she was having so much fun singing and riding. I, on the other hand, prefer knee boarding and daring things like that. Once I knew she was comfortable, I simply laid my head down to take a little nap. You see! I told you those boat pads are going to be revolutionary for nap times!

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Doing my part

“Helper” is my middle name. Actually, Justice is my middle name, but that’s kinda like helping, right? I like to bring justice to our household in little simple ways like putting various things in the trash, putting other various things in the diaper pale, putting more various things in the potty, and then of course vacuuming. Whenever I hear the hum of the vacuum, I get this tinge of Justice between my other two names that compels me to immediately locate my vacuum and join in on the campaign.

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, Mr. Abel, you’re only a pre-kid-man once. Enjoy your toys and snacks. Well, I have one thing to say to that. Not everyone has Justice as their middle name, so I need to take my role seriously whether it’s in the household or in saving a sweet bunny from getting pricked by a thorn bush, for example.

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Sum sum sum-a-time

Summer means a couple of things.

1. You’re allowed to get wet whenever you want.
2. You’re allowed to go outside without shoes.
3. You don’t have to wear a shirt.
4. You smell like sunshine almost always.
5. Your hair gets whiter and your skin gets goldener.

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6. And, for those times when you do have to go away in the car, you have to break out those summer flip flops.

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My favorite

I have a perfectly sound reason for eating dirt. Buuuut, I’m actually not going to tell. A pre-kid man has to keep some mysteries from the blogging world. Otherwise you might think you have me all figured out. You’d generalize that to all pre-kid men, and suddenly the world becomes a much duller place. No folks. I’m doing this for my fellow pre-kid men everywhere. We are exciting, and we will remain that way – thank you very much.

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If you think my preference for dirt is strange, you’re in good company. My mommy is the best company there is, and she doesn’t like it either. Every time I take a taste she says a big “no-no.” I hear her, and don’t want her to feel sad at my actions. So, I take it to heart and think, “Alright mister. Don’t do that again.” But pre-kid men forget sometimes when exciting things are involved.

When I see a pile of dirt, I really do think there’s a faint “no-no” hiding in the back of my head. That’s probably why when I do it I have the urge to be sneaky and quick shove it in my mouth when no one’s looking. Once Mommy says the out loud “no-no,” that’s when I realize what previously occurred in my head and thought process. Someday it will all connect.
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Keeping fit

If you’re fancy, you go to Laguna Beach. If you’re fancy pants, you also do your exercises at the beach. If you’re fancy all over you do Tai Chi.

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But, if you’re a baby-manly-man, you do Tai Chi while holding some sort of sword/stick. You never know – a rabbit, cow, or trout might walk by and you will want to quickly hunt it in order to feed your family that night.

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While doing Tai Chi, always try to focus on some sort of serious thing. I like to think of cheerios without milk or bananas. Just dry, plain, and hardy – very not distracting.

A quick “what what” to Grandma D. You are my Tai Chi hero.

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Brrrrrr!

I know I know, I live in California. Why could I possibly need a scarf? I just want you to know, that this was a legitimate scarf day. It was practically blizzardish. Obviously it was cold since I’m wearing it over my nose and not just loose and stylishly around my neck.

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Paparazzi

I really can relate to all those movie stars. I may be cute. I may be fancy. But, please can’t a baby-man get a little privacy here and there?

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