abel’s home

Did you know that I have a new cousin? His name is Dylan Alexander. I bought him this fun little silly guy to welcome him into the family. Honestly, I already know the silly guy’s name, but that’s really not my place. He’s not my silly guy. He belongs to Dylan now, and I need to respect his naming rights.

I already have a Cuz D, so I’m really thinking carefully about what Dylan’s rap name should be. What I need to do is have Daddy beatbox for me while I rap stuff out of my head and heart. That’s when the good stuff always comes out. Until then, I’m going to call him D, D, the Honeybee.

On Saturday when Auntie Heidi peekabooed D the Honeybee into the world, I started a new tradition. I decided that every new family member should be initiated with a teddy bear hug cuddle. But, at the same time I shoved him just a little so that he would know that we’re boys and we have to do roughy things too. My shove may have also been to let him know that I’m a pre kid man, and he’s not. Hey, I’m not being mean. When I was a baby-baby I totally remember wanting the pre kid men to shove me and stuff. It’s good to establish where we all stand, ya know?

My initiation then got mushy again and I gave him a kissie on the cheek. Nothing is as it seems, so of course it was not a normal kissie either. At the end, I gave him a little zerbie so that he could know just how silly I am. Cuz D. has taught me everything I know about silliness, and I’m prepared to pass it on down the line.

We went to the beach not so long ago. Look – There’s a toughy way and a softy way to do the beach. I have nothing against softies. I have a softy side, but I have control over when to use it and when to leave it in the car. For this particular beach experience, I needed to leave it in the car.

When you’re being tough, you have to naturally let sand get all over you. No froofy beach towels are necessary. You don’t even need a bathing suit because your clothes are supposed to get messy and wet in this situation.

When you’re tough, please, still take out moments to ponder. It’s very toughy to ponder especially when it has to do with seaweed that you find on the beach. There are many things to think about regarding seaweed-type stuff, and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss that opportunity.

Let me show you a close up of my piggies. Normally you would like to have your piggies visible, clean, and smelling like piggies should. Well, at the beach – in a toughy situation that is – make sure they are hardly recognizable, overly dirty, and smelling like beach stuff. Bonus: when you’re a pre-kid man, you don’t usually have any manly leg hair and stuff. Sand all over makes a great substitute! Don’t be afraid to try this out.

Oh! I haven’t even mentioned my monkey back pack. Every toughy needs a backpack when you go out-of-doors. You never know when you might need a flashlight, cheerios, a crayon, book, or a rock. Always be prepared.

“Helper” is my middle name. Actually, Justice is my middle name, but that’s kinda like helping, right? I like to bring justice to our household in little simple ways like putting various things in the trash, putting other various things in the diaper pale, putting more various things in the potty, and then of course vacuuming. Whenever I hear the hum of the vacuum, I get this tinge of Justice between my other two names that compels me to immediately locate my vacuum and join in on the campaign.

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, Mr. Abel, you’re only a pre-kid-man once. Enjoy your toys and snacks. Well, I have one thing to say to that. Not everyone has Justice as their middle name, so I need to take my role seriously whether it’s in the household or in saving a sweet bunny from getting pricked by a thorn bush, for example.

Let me tell you a powerful story I heard recently. It really convicted me.

“There once was a sweet, white haired baby named Gabel Rustice who was often placed in his crib to take naps. Gabel did not particularly like these naps and was constantly thinking of ways to get out of his crib. One day it occurred to him that whenever he asked to go poo-poo, everyone in the house took it very seriously. ‘I will simply have to go poo-poo every time I’m put down for a nap.’

The next day he tried out this fantastic idea. Mommy laid him down in the crib with a ‘night night.’ Before she could even start her exit, Gabel sat up in bed, made the hand sign for poo-poo and said very articulately, ‘boo-boo.’ He could see the surprise in her face. Of course she would take him to the potty. Once on the potty, Gabel talked about duckies and smiled lovingly but no poo-poo. Mommy put him back in the crib.

The next nap Gabel was ecstatic to try the same approach. When Gabel first did his poo-poo sign and ‘boo-boo’ words, Mommy said, ‘No-no. Go to sleep.’ But every time Mommy looked in, Gabel was diligent in continuing his hand sign and special word. Eventually, Mommy gave in and brought Gabel to the toilet. No poo-poo.

The next day when nap time rolled around again, Gabel was confident in his methods. However, this time was different. He really did have to go poo-poo. Over and over he signed and talked about poo-poo, but Mommy wouldn’t listen. ‘Wait a second,’ he thought, ‘I really do have to go poo-poo. Why isn’t she taking me? I’m sad now.’

After the nap was over, Mommy entered the room and the whole room was stinky. Gabel had gone poo-poo in his diaper! As she changed his diaper, Mommy lovingly explained that if little boys always cry poo-poo with no poo-poo, then when the real thing comes along no one will believe them.”

Summer means a couple of things.

1. You’re allowed to get wet whenever you want.
2. You’re allowed to go outside without shoes.
3. You don’t have to wear a shirt.
4. You smell like sunshine almost always.
5. Your hair gets whiter and your skin gets goldener.

6. And, for those times when you do have to go away in the car, you have to break out those summer flip flops.

I have a perfectly sound reason for eating dirt. Buuuut, I’m actually not going to tell. A pre-kid man has to keep some mysteries from the blogging world. Otherwise you might think you have me all figured out. You’d generalize that to all pre-kid men, and suddenly the world becomes a much duller place. No folks. I’m doing this for my fellow pre-kid men everywhere. We are exciting, and we will remain that way – thank you very much.

If you think my preference for dirt is strange, you’re in good company. My mommy is the best company there is, and she doesn’t like it either. Every time I take a taste she says a big “no-no.” I hear her, and don’t want her to feel sad at my actions. So, I take it to heart and think, “Alright mister. Don’t do that again.” But pre-kid men forget sometimes when exciting things are involved.

When I see a pile of dirt, I really do think there’s a faint “no-no” hiding in the back of my head. That’s probably why when I do it I have the urge to be sneaky and quick shove it in my mouth when no one’s looking. Once Mommy says the out loud “no-no,” that’s when I realize what previously occurred in my head and thought process. Someday it will all connect.

A couple weeks ago it was the Sahara Desert outside, so the Vis’ welcomed a swimming pool into the family. You know what? It did end up being a bunch of fun, but I couldn’t help but start out the process a little on the grumpy side.

Daddy thought he might ease the tension by surprising me with a hose spray. We weren’t exactly on the same page with how to cure my grumpiness, but like I said before the end result was good. Let’s let bygones be bygones.

Still feeling a little unsure and not ungrumpy, I put on the good attitude hat and jumped in. Note: the good attitude hat is invisible and works gradually. That’s why my face still seems to have a bit of attitude. I had just put the hat on seconds before.

This is many seconds later when the good attitude hat had completely kicked in. I was actually feeling quite overwhelmed with good attitudeness.

So maybe I am even at the point where I’m proud of my little pool and like to invite buddies over to play. This is E-I-E-I-O. Of course you know by now that I usually introduce people first by their rap name. People who aren’t rappers call him Evan. I call him E-I for short because even rap names can be too long to actually use in everyday life.

You might be suddenly alarmed when you realize that E-I doesn’t have any swim trunks on. Well, E-I is a baby-man. He is very buff and brave-heart looking, so people often mistake him for a pre-kid. But, no, he’s a baby-man, and baby-men definitely aren’t held to the swim trunk code of ethics.

Our mommies told us “time to get out.” As a baby-man, E-I’s first thought was “Oh no, how am I going to survive the bummerness of having to leave this fun pool?” But, as a pre-kid, my first thought was “hmmmmmm, there’s got to be some way to change their mind. Give me a second while I make my plan.”

Look. I don’t usually pose while on the pot. I have a perfectly sound reason for this picture. Daddy has a sneaky camera on his phone. Me, I’m innocently pooing or peeing (it’s really none of your business which one) on the pot when I see Daddy looking mischievously at his contraption. Honestly, I did have a feeling that something fishy was occurring, so I peered over my piggies to investigate. All of a sudden – whammy! He took my picture! On the potty! I just think that’s crazy. At the time I couldn’t think of any rational reason other than that he noticed how stately my piggies were that day. Ya know, I had no idea how handsome they looked or I wouldn’t have protested so much afterwards. Daddy, thanks for doing what you had to do to capture my piggies in their prime.

Probably my favorite thing on all the earth is to tease mommy. Sometimes she can act strong, stay unsmiling, and maintain her facade of “that’s not funny.” But uuuuusally, I get her and she has to giggle until I’m not funny anymore. If you’re ever in the mood to tease your mommy but you’re also feeling completely dry of ideas, use this one. It never fails.

Scenario: Mommy is trying to talk to you. Just look at her, don’t say anything and don’t move. Just stick out the funniest tongue you have. Freeze and wait for it. Don’t give in because you never know how long it will take to be funny. Just trust me. In your mind say “Just trust bust” (That’s a little wise saying that I came up with when I need to remember to relax and wait. Everything is more powerful if it rhymes).